Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
