Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
