You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
