Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize