Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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