im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
