Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
