ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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