The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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