dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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