He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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