yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
