Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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