i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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