And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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