chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
