U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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