I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
