I love black thongs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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