thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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