i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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