That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
