fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bring me that man meat
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
