i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
