The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
