At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
