Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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