$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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