Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
