she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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