haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
