Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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