his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
