Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize