Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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