I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
