I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
