Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
