She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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