so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
