why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
