Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
