I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
3pm strippers are depressing
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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