I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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