Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How's work?
Spinning.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
