where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
