Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
