I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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