so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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