All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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