ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
