you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
