i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
