its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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