you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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