Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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