just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
