I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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