I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize