Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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