I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize