My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Houston, we have a blender
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize