i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
