I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
