Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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