dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
