so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
