you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
