I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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