I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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