I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
