I murdered the dance floor call the cops
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize