my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
