She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize