Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
