I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
