Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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