so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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