And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
