So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
