I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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