Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
