I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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