Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
