Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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