I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
