I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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