I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
