Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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