So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
