We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
