So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
