If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
