WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
