I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
