well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
