My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
