I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She bit a glass in half.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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