Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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