Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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