just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
