Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
